Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize