Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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