Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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