perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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