I accidentally had phone sex last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
