wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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