ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
time to smoke my breakfast
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
