Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
