Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize