that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
