I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I pour the whiskey from now on
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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