So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's get the cat blown out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
