he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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