I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The air taste purple.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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