I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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