you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
