I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am midnight drunk by noon
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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