I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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