Apparently you make a good broom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
