Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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