my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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