Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had sex on a roof
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
