Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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