i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
