she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
