My nipple is on Facebook.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
