You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
