dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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