omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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