i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
