You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think my moral compass just broke
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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