Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize