He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
