im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
