Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
