So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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