And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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