yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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