Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
