the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize