I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
