mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize