dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
