Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
