he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
