i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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