Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
