can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize