My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
