Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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