I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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