she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
