at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
