saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
