I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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