The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
