Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
