She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
