is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
