Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I look better un-naked...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
