she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
