you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
