Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
