don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize