when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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