Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
