What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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