fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
