i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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