my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
