We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
