i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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