Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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