I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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