I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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