So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
