I smell stomach acid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
