just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
