worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
