she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
