I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
