We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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