Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
