so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
