his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
