I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
