Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
