i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize