Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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