apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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