afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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