someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
