We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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